and i wonder ...
and i wonder
after years of silence
i wonder
how painful life must have been
how cruel the strangers you called family and friends
how desperate the need
how tragic the loss
how intense the desire
how meaningless the love
how crushing the failure
how hopeless the effort
and i wonder
after years of waiting
i wonder
why i was there
when you stood up from a threadbare chair
with your spiky red hair
and lit a match to yourself
to become a candle
burning down to
wick's end
until all that you were
every dream and promise
disappeared in
a puff of smoke
drifting into the gasping air
from a pool of blood-red wax
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